I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
