dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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