You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
