He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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