if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
