he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
