I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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