i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
