How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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