Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
How many fucks given?
0.12846
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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