you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
