they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
