Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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