Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
