Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Four minutes until I can fart!
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
