I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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