Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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