Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
