bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
