i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
