remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
