She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
