Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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