can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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