You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
