Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
