Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
