I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
