I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
