Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
