Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
