he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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