Yo dont text me then not text me
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize