It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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