I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
