My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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