Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I would fuck him just for his dog
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize