Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
