Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
