Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
