Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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