What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
