We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
