call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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