My room smells like vodka and shame
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
