Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
