I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
