I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
