That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize