I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
