I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
