He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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