it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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