Kiss
Puke
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
