I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
