well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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