Umm I'm too high to move.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
