It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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