If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Ketchup is God's man juice
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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