Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Come on in and take your pants off
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