Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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