my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
