She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
