Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
