i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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