i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Why can't burritos get me drunk
you never un-have a 4some
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
