her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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