Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
That accounts for only three of the penises
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
