theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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