Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
